Words: what do they mean?

There’s no way of knowing what words mean. But, some people will try to pretend they know, and will use large words to dazzle and confuse you. They also do not know the meaning of words. But I do. Language is a flimsy charade. Never read a newspaper, academic monograph, or ad on the side of the bus in fear of the words lurking there ever again. 

Thus: I don’t know what this word means. But, I’ve used it with abandon in the past and have never been corrected which confirms my belief that no else does either. Feels Shakespearean.  

Furthermore: This word has no meaning. It is a fancy way of continuing a thought, which is not necessary. You can just keep talking, if you’re absolutely convinced that you have to.

Elucidate: You know what? Just don’t use this word! Every day, before you go to sleep, close your eyes, meditate, and guard against this evil word. Purify yourself.

Ascertain: All words are lies. This is just a way to say “find out.” “I ascertained that I wasted years of my 20s on a master’s degree I didn’t finish and now I brag about that at parties like it was the plan all along. ‘Oooo my ideas were too big for that place oooo.’”

Nevertheless: Why speak at all? My 2020 resolution is to be completely silent for the entire year. At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, I will climb to the top of the tallest building in town and let out an uninterrupted ten-minute shriek.   

Indeed: This is not a word.

Inoculate: This is a word and it has a meaning. It means “to put in.” You could very easily say “I inoculated my coffee with cream.” I think everyone should use “inoculate” that way. There’s nothing stopping us. Language is defined by usage, so if me and a million friends all start saying things like “can you inoculate the fridge with the groceries?” Merriam-Webster will have to take us seriously. 

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